On its own merits, divorce is a highly stressful event,
but when you start factoring in assets, children and other facets, the process can end up becoming a huge, frustrating and painful experience that can drag on for months.
Many people see separation and divorce as a major change in the direction of their life path, an end to a once-precious dream and a destructive process that amounts to failure; however, if you can go through a divorce the right way, it can actually be a positive step that brings freedom from an unhappy marriage, calmness to a life full of friction and cooperation that allows children to adapt and bloom. Doing divorce the ‘right way’ might seem counterintuitive, but it’s certainly possible to get through the process with minimal pain, time, cost and impact on yourself and your children. Here’s how:
Seek legal advice
Even if you and your ex are amicable towards each other, seeking specialist legal advice from a reputable lawyer will ensure you know your rights and responsibilities. Many people going through divorce want to ‘rip the bandaid off quickly’ and let their ex have whatever they want just to get out of the marriage, but you may regret your choices later on if you don’t receive the assets you’re entitled to. Similarly, if you feel a lot of anger and want to take your ex for everything they have, you may create a situation that fosters a lot of resentment and may cause trouble down the track. Solid legal advice will help you make egalitarian decisions and get what you’re entitled to.
Choose the right lawyer for you
Stay away from lawyers who claim they can bleed your ex dry, no matter how angry you are at the time. A good lawyer will encourage negotiation of an amicable resolution that leaves everybody happy. An aggressive lawyer will cause more damage and expense in the long run and a protracted legal battle will likely ensue. (Link to Christine Page)
Aim for mediation, rather than litigation
Resolving disputes outside of the courtroom should be your main priority and court should be considered an absolute last resort. Any decisions made during mediation can be documented to make them binding and legal, so going to court is completely unnecessary in all but the most difficult or complicated divorces. (link to BFA’s)
ALWAYS put your children first
If you’re a parent, you need to consider every decision you make with your children in mind. Regardless of how much negativity you feel towards your ex, your children are likely to have a completely opposite set of emotions towards them. No matter what age your children are, they are just as affected – if not more affected – by the divorce as you are, so ensure they can have their say in things and that they are protected from any nastiness.
Consider the future
Sure, you may be in a fiery rage right now and want nothing more than to hurt your ex, but you won’t always feel this angry. Even if you intend to never see your ex again, creating unnecessary animosity now may have negative repercussions in the future, such as loss of contact with shared friends. If you have children, it is even more important to think forward, as you will have to remain amicable for events such as birthdays, graduations, weddings e.t.c.
If you are in the process of going through a divorce and would like to make it quick, easy and as painless as possible, contact CM Lawyers for advice or a consultation.